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There are days when I hate the life I lead, isolated from friends and family. Days when I think about how long it would take for someone to miss me if I had a car accident or were abducted from a bus stop. There are days when I'm pleasantly surprised by those I don't hear from very often. HT left me a message a couple of days ago that said simply: I got a chance to talk with him this morning and it was really nice. Even though I missed the first bus, it was totally worth it! That's the small stuff. Then there are days like today. On Saturday, I got a notice in my mailbox that Amazon.com had sent me something but it wouldn't fit in my mailbox. I went to pick it up today as the office wasn't open yesterday. What was it? The lovely, talented and simply wonderful Katie had read my post where I whined about obsession, love and writing and decided I needed a pick me up. She sent me a book with a note of encouragement. I'm reminded that there are a lot of people out there who do read what I write, hear what I say and care that I'm still here. For that, I am profoundly grateful. I know I'm not an easy person to love. So, thank you, Katie, for believing in me and being my friend, even when I'm whiny and full of self-doubt. Jenn posted at 5:38 PM | |
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I want you to be happy You're my best friend But it's so hard to let you go now All that could have been I'll always have the memories She'll always have you Fate has a way of changing Just when you don't want it to "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall Jenn posted at 1:48 AM | |
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Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi! Tech, Tech, VPI Sol-a-rex, Sol-a-rah Poly Tech Vir-gin-ia Ray rah VPI Team! Team! Team! My dad cracks me up. Yesterday I called him to talk about something and mentioned that I was watching the Redskins game. He had forgotten about it, but quickly changed the channel. Turns out that he'd probably would have been better off not watching at all, but at least we both got to see the Skins make their only score. ::sigh:: So, today he calls me to make sure that I know that the Virgina Tech is playing at *sold-out* Fed-Ex Field against USC in about 10 minutes. It had escaped my attention, but I'm now ready to watch my Hokies take on the #1 Trojans. When I asked my dad if the Hokies were going to kick ass, he hemmed and hawedl, explaining that there were a lot of freshman on the team this year after a bunch had graduated last year. I know next to nothing about college football, but I do know that I hate USC. I'm not a UCLA fan either...I hate them both with equal measure. Even though I've never gone there, I'm a Hokie fan, born and bred. So, I'll be cheering my team on, whether to victory or "we'll get 'em next time!" |
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A little something I got from the Pastor's weekly e-mail message: Jenn posted at 7:05 PM | |
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Well, I've updated the layout of my blog (obviously). I had a touch of insomnia last night and I just started screwing around with it. I've borrowed liberally from Katie. It's still a work in progress. I can't figure out how to get the column on the left to stop with end of the text. Anyway, let me know what you think, how it looks on your screen, etc. I think I'm missing something major because it doesn't look exactly the way I want it to, but it's a start. I got into the PoliSci class I wanted. My grad student seems cool, though a bit of a hard ass. There are some stupid frat boy types in my section, so I'm sure she'll be on their asses more than mine. But at this point, I don't care -- I'M IN!! I also dropped my American Lit class. I had high hopes for it, but my professor wasn't very dynamic and we were going to reading stuff that I read in junior high and high school. I was hoping for a little more. Besides, 9am just isn't my finest hour. I had a fabulous class yesterday in my NYC Biography class. It was a hard class because we discussed 9/11. My professor said that you can start a New York class without talking about 9/11/01. It was interesting to hear him speak about it because it was really first time I had heard from someone who had lived in an affected city, had family still there, but was out here on the west coast, unable to do a damn thing. I cried a bit with the slides he showed us, but I don't think I embarrassed myself too badly. We have to do a paper/book review on one of these novels. I've never heard anything about any of them. I felt quite ignorant looking at this list as my professor seemed to think that these were very well known books. Has anyone read or know anything about any of these books/authors?
And I'm so excited because I'm sitting here watching a Redskins game! I'm sure it's because of Gibbs (whoohoo!), but whatever the reason, I'm totally psyched to see my team play while I'm all the way out here ;) Oh, I got a phone call from Lenscrafters that the contacts they reordered for me had arrived. So I'm driving to Fairfield tonight to pick them up. It's a bitch of a drive, but I'll get to have my contacts and I'll have some Chik-Fil-A, which is like comfort food for me, so I guess it's all good. Jenn posted at 8:12 PM | |
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I love watching "Two Guys and a Girl" on the We Network. I love the pizza place episodes the best. I don't know why ABC decided the pizza place didn't work. I love that guy who thinks that plots to movies actually happened to him. The owner of the pizza place was just the right amount of hardass. Sharon was such a fabulous bitch. Pete was hard-working and earnest. And Berg was just the right amount of insensitive slack-ass. Man, I love this show! I need a DVD. Jenn posted at 4:38 PM | |
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I survived my first day of school, though not without some touch-n-go moments. The bus didn't come until 8:38 this morning, but surprisingly I wasn't late to my first class. I don't really like my professor and the subject matter seems like stuff I've done/read before. I'm thinking of dropping, but we'll see. I LOVE my PoliSci professor! He's a babe, super smart and very funny! I *so* hope I can be added from the waitlist on Friday. Cross your fingers! Part of the class is doing a "civic engagement" project, which consists of one of three things: registering 10 voters, volunteering 25 hours for a campaign or interviewing 10 people about their civic engagement and writing a paper. Guess which one I want to do! My Western Civ prof is totally cool and I'm very excited about the class. There are a lot of freshman, which will work out well for me, I'm hoping. He let us out after only 20 minutes, so I was able to get my other school-related errands done in record time. I now possess a State ID, with a half-decent photo. I got my books in record time and spent less than $200. Of course, I've still got two more classes to buy books for, but I'm hoping it won't be too bad this semester. I went to my Election seminar tonight and I loved it! But the trip home was not a picnic. The MUNI train was full and boistrious -- moreso than any time today. But when I got off to wait for the bus, it was dark, foggy and I was a lone female with a bunch of shifty guys around. I waited for about 20 of the longest minutes of my life. There was one guy who was really creeping me out, so I called Kim to keep from talking to him. He took the hint and got on the next bus, which thankfully was not mine. From now on, I think I'll be driving to my night class. On another note, I just watched LBSS alumni Allen Johnson fall on his face during the 110m hurdles quarterfinals. After his win in Atlanta, he helped the school raise money for a new track -- the Track of Champions. Not so much today, huh? Jenn posted at 1:58 AM | |
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I got a forward from my friend and instead of e-mailing it on (I've learned my lesson!), I thought I'd share it. Just thinking about these things makes me smile. Falling in love | Laughing so hard your face hurts | A hot shower | No lines at the supermarket | A special glance | Getting mail | Taking a drive on a pretty road | Hearing your favorite song on the radio | Lying in bed listening to the rain outside | Hot towels fresh out of the dryer | Chocolate milkshake | A bubble bath | Giggling | A good conversation | The beach | Finding a 20-dollar bill in your coat from last winter | Laughing at yourself | Midnight phone calls that last for hours | Running through sprinklers | Laughing for absolutely no reason at all | Having someone tell you that you're beautiful | Laughing at an inside joke | Friends | Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you | Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep | Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner) | Making new friends or spending time with old ones | Playing with a new puppy | Having someone play with your hair | Sweet dreams | Hot chocolate | Road trips with friends | Swinging on swings | Making eye contact with a cute stranger | Making chocolate chip cookies | Having your friends send you home-made cookies | Holding hands with someone you care about | Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change | Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you | Watching the sunrise | Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day | Knowing that somebody misses you | Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply | Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think Jenn posted at 2:47 AM | |
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I just saw an ad on television that my local FOX affiliate is going to show the St. Louis vs. Redskins game on Friday afternoon! How stoked am I! I never thought I'd get to see a Skins game out here until the 49ers game in December. Whoohoo! Jenn posted at 12:34 AM | |
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I've been cleaning the apartment for no other reason than it saves me from actually going out into the world and doing something. And I found my journals that I brought out here for "research" into one of the stupid novels I started writing during the fifteen minutes I thought I could be a writer. I flipped through them, alternately laughing and wincing at the naive and ridiculous musings that my hormone-riddled, teenage brain deemed to save for posterity. As I was looking, I found a tidbit I wrote in my ASP diary and I had to laugh at the indignation I expressed: July 23, 1997 I laugh because I'm sure that's exactly what I must have been doing on that day on ASP. In fact, if it involved Chris W. in any way in high school, there's a sure bet I was trying to get his attention. I wanted so badly for him to look at me the way he looked at Erin, Jill, Kimber, Stacy, Hannah, et al (did I forget someone in there?). I look at the letters I wrote and the things I did and I'm surprised no one smacked me across the face. And along with all the things I did were the e-mails and IMs from other people, my friends, encouraging me to continue in my pursuit to "be his friend." I remember how we used to talk about each other behind the others back. I wonder how many IMs and e-mails and phone conversations between my friends were laughing at my patheticness. How often was I the subject of laughter and mocking? More than I'd probably care to know is my guess. But the thing that gets to me is I'm still doing it. I don't make dedications anymore and I don't cry in the bathroom when he doesn't want to dance with me. But I do get upset when I get a 5 minute IM convo instead of an e-mail reply or nothing in reply at all. You'd think that after all these years, I'd understand how very unimportant I am. Some days/weeks/months, I don't think about him and any of it at all. But then something will remind me and I'll start obsessing all over again. Things I should have said or done. Things I shouldn't have said or done. Regrets fill me more with him than with any other person. Why is that? Why am I still thinking about things that happened so long ago that I'm probably the only one who remembers? I was chatting with a friend online the other day and I was giving her advice about love. Even written down, that looks silly. What the hell do I know about love? Me: I've become of the school of thought that you should always say what you feel. Say that you're confused, but you've never felt like this about anyone and that you love him. But in life and love, I've found that there is such a thing as it being too late and you don't want to live with that and later Me: I've always been the one to say ["I love you"] first, whether in a friendship or a relationship...sometimes they say it back, sometimes they don't, but I've never tried to hold it in because I don't think there's anyone who doesn't want to know that someone loves them....but that's just me Seems easy when you're dishing it out to other people, but I was never one to follow that advice. I have thoughts and feelings every day that I never do anything about. Because I'm scared. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to have regrets like I do. Tomorrow's the first day of school and I want to usher in a whole new era. I want to be the person that I was in high school. Not in the creepy, obsessive, "damn she needs to get a fucking life" kind of way. But the person who laughed out loud whenever she thought something was funny. The person who smiled and didn't think she might look silly. The person who was outgoing and nice and sweet and made people feel comfortable. I want to be the girl that boys want to talk to and girls want to hang out with. I want have those "wow" moments, both academically and personally. I want to free myself from myself to have a little fun and not question people's motives. I want to have days like this more often. I want to live. Jenn posted at 9:40 PM | |
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Thanks to the good people at Remove The Bar, my blog is now as beautiful as ever :) I could complain about my day, but this just made it better! Jenn posted at 9:09 PM | |
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Hey so what's my damage today Don't let me get in your way Let it out like you always do The trouble between me and you Is nothing new So I listen to you complain and then I bite my tongue in vain again As I let it all just slowly settle in Such a pretty picture that you paint I'm so vile and you're a saint Funny how your eyes see thick not thin Oh I can only be myself You're looking for someone else "Nothing New" by Ashlee Simpson dear x, It's been eight months and yet I don't feel like I ever knew you. The person you were and the person you've become to me -- I feel so stupid to have been so fooled. At first it was awkward. Then it was stilted. Now it's hostile and bitter. The banter is gone. The familiarity is history. I don't know you and you certainly don't know me. I've become my own person, emerging from the shadow that was us. That's who I want to be. But I don't want to be your "favor" girl. I've learned not to rest my hopes on the ringing phone. But I thought I was worth something to you. I'm tired of it all. I'm ready to throw it all away. The memories are all tainted now. The pictures mock me and the notes and letters seem like a farce. It was over a long time before it was officially over, whether we wanted to admit it. I didn't like the person I was. I didn't like the person you were becoming. I hate being the bitch. I seem destined to play the role, but it's not one I relish. It's been eight months and I'm done. Screw You. From, Me Jenn posted at 2:15 AM | |
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Okay, we tried to get it together for New Year's and Caryn's birthday. Didn't happen. We tried to do it for Kristin's birthday and Easter. Didn't happen. I just looked at Laura's blog and photo from her hotel and made a decision. My birthday is on a Friday this year. I want to go to Vegas. Everyone's invited. Family, friends, everyone. I know I had my birthday in Vegas three years ago. And it was a blast. But my friends weren't there and I want them to be. I haven't celebrated my birthday with friends since 1999 and that was a rather somber occasion. I know there's problems with leave from work and school schedules and all that other stuff. But let's try planning it now. Let's go to Vegas that weekend and live it up like we're 21 and stupid all over again ;) Who's in? Jenn posted at 12:34 AM | |
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I've now lived in my apartment for a month. It's almost been a year since I visited northern California for the first time (that I remember) and decided to change my life. All because I wasn't invited to a barbecue. KB decided that he wanted to go home to Kansas City for Labor Day weekend. He and Evan (his best friend) started planning a large barbecue with dueling grills and a Neil Diamond theme. Even though I also had Labor day off work, not once did the subject of me coming with him come up. I had been to his home in Kansas City in 2001 when he was invited to speak at his school. I started to get more and more petulant as he got more and more excited about his little barbecue. When he finally called me on it, I explained that I was hurt that he hadn't invited me. That's when he shared that it hadn't occurred to him to ask me. He hadn't thought that we might want to spend that 3 day weekend taking a trip or just hanging out without the pressure of work getting to either of us. Well, if I was hurt that I hadn't been invited, that was nothing compared to not having even been thought of. I went online that night and started researching. Being stuck in a job where I wanted to cry every day at lunch, I was yearning for a change of pace. I hadn't gotten into either of the UCs I'd applied to and I was facing another year without reaching my goal of a college degree. I had recently been to Sea World and I thought a change of major might be in order. From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. I wanted to be the girl at the Baltimore National Aquarium that dove into the salt water and played with the animals while wearing a wet suit. I had been floundering in my various majors for so long; perhaps that was because I hadn't found the right one. I went to the UC and Cal State websites and started searching each campus's website for a marine biology/marine science major. I found three, all in Northern California. By that weekend, I had a binder, organizing each university's information and information about that town. I gathered my meager savings and booked a hotel room in Santa Cruz, the focus of my journey. I informed KB and my parents of my plan, convienently leaving out the major change when talking with my parents. I humbled myself to ask a favor our the boss I hated so that I could leave early from work (actually I was just switching shifts with the receptionist, so I was working 7am - 4pm instead of 8am - 5pm). I drove myself to Santa Cruz, a harrowing journey I hope never to repeat. I went to an info session at Santa Cruz and realized that I would never be able to go to school there. Perhaps as a freshman, I might have been happy, but its program requirements and admission requirements just didn't fit me, the alternative student who was praying that she hadn't screwed up too many times. I went back to the hotel and cried. I went down to the boardwalk and walked around, wishing KB was with me. Actually, I was wishing I had any friend with me. It was my first trip by myself and really my first time trying to have fun by myself. I wasn't used to it and I didn't really want to be there anymore. I woke up the next morning with horrible cramps and a horrible attitude. I spent most of the morning and part of the afternoon in the bathroom wishing I was dead. About 2pm, I gathered myself together and decided to make my way to San Francisco State. That was the best decision I have ever made while under the influence of Midol and menstrual cramps. I drove the hour and a half to San Francisco and parked in the parking garage. I walked up the hill to main campus and fell in love. It always sounded strange to me when I heard people say that they fell in love with a place. I mean, to me, love is for people and pets. It was cold and a bit rainy. There was fog covering the surrounding hills. But as I walked around the grassy quad, noting the student center and gym, the library and the humanities building, I could see myself going to college here. I walked to the top of the student center, holding on to the rails and drank in the surroundings. I realized that this is where I wanted to be. I didn't care about the major or the requirements or financial aid. I didn't need a student led tour or to eat in the caf -- I *knew* this was where I was going to get my Bachelor's degree. I explored the city for the next few hours, getting lost and loving every second. I can still remember the exhiliration at making a left turn and realizing I was going straight down. I squealed when I saw a cable car and I had to pinch myself when I first saw the Golden Gate bridge soaring into the low-hanging fog. I called my parents that night from the hotel, excited about what I had seen and done. I told them to start preparing, because I just had to live that city once in my life. Jenn posted at 6:31 PM | |
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I really dig this sport. I think it's because it's something I could never do. I mean, those dives when they do a hand stand first are just amazing, but I couldn't ever do that for four simple reasons: First of all, you'd never get me up on that platform. I have a huge fear of heights and a 10m platform is so not my idea of a good time. If you got me up on that 10m platform, you'd never get me to jump off of it. Right up there with my fear of heights (and my fear of bridges) is my fear of falling from heights. Deliberately falling from heights (i.e. diving) just seems like a bad idea to me. I can't do a handstand. Not in my living room or in a gym, much less on the end of a 10m platform. Oh and I can't dive. I never really learned how to swim and I certainly never learned how to dive. I can't really hold my breath underwater without holding my nose. I used to jump off the diving board when I was a kid (well, really only one summer when I had a rush of confidence), but never dove. So, I'll never be an Olympic platform diver. I knew you were worried. ETA: How incredibly awesome was Sarah Hildebrand's reaction to her rising in the standings to make the final?! And Laura Wilkinson is fast becoming my favorite athlete in these Olympic Games. She was so sweet trying to convince Sarah that she was definitely in the final and hugging her. I think I'm "drawn" to her because she reminds me of my cousin Julie. Such a great ending to the semifinals. Jenn posted at 1:01 AM | |
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It gains the more it gives, And then it rises with the fall. So hand me that remote. Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow? Such boundless, pleasure, We've no time for later now, you, Can't await, your own arrival you've, Twenty seconds to comply (So let go) So let go Jump in Oh well whatcha waiting for? It's alright, 'Cuz there's beauty In the breakdown "Let Go" by Frou Frou Jenn posted at 10:32 PM | |
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I have been getting the most interesting search engine hits lately. Most want pictures in varying degrees of sexiness of little miss Carly Patterson. I wrote one entry about her back when she won the VISA America's Cup and people have come here looking for info in droves. Well, you can continue on your way. There's nothing of that nature here and there never will be. But there have been some others that make me smile: how do i make love to Jenny, right now? jenn you are still in my every thought I wonder who's looking for me. Or is it really me they are looking for? Jenn posted at 7:18 PM | |
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I'm too tired to recount the battle I had at Lenscrafters today, but suffice to say, it's three weeks later and they had to reorder my contacts because they don't know what happened to the ones they ordered three weeks ago. But they had a Best Buy at the Solano Mall in Fairfield and I went in to satisfy my DVD addiction. Two hundred dollars later, I got most of what I wanted, plus a couple of CDs. "It was an impulse buy, near the register!" Not that I don't have enough Olympics or other DVDs to watch, but now I've got new things to watch and to listen to. Yay for me!    
 
Jenn posted at 1:51 AM
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Big hugs to the person who can complete that Saved By The Bell quote ;) Anna just e-mailed me that she and Eugenia have plane tickets to visit me next month! WHOOHOO! Jenn posted at 2:56 PM | |
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Yesterday, I decided to get off my ass and actually get something done. I got some cards sent to people that needed to be sent. I swept the balcony. I took out the trash (which is actually more of an ordeal that it seems). I did four loads of laundry -- wash, dry and fold. I went grocery shopping. I organized my bills and updated my checkbook.
So, they've been showing this "back to school" Dell commercial recently, where the college students tape a tarp up in a hallway. They've filled the hallway with soapy water and are treating it like a Slip-N-Slide, complete with boogie boards. Is this what dorm life is really life? Cause if it is, I'm upset that I've deprived myself of this fabulous bonding experience. We have carpet here in my apartment (as well as bitchy neighbors downstairs) or else I'd be duct taping the plastic sheet as we speak. I'm doing my fake dry run today. Gymnastics was on too late last night for me to actually get up at the appropriate time to get to "class" on time. So instead, I'm catching my morning reruns of Dr. Quinn, Dawson's Creek and ER and then I'm off to campus to search for the rooms in which my classes will be held. I hope that I can get my student ID (finally) and perhaps even see about books. I refuse to actually purchase books until I get syllabi in hand, but it'll be nice to ballpark how much this venture back into academia is going to cost me. Jenn posted at 1:35 PM | |
Neither of us having any siblings, we've embraced our cousinhood. We feel like we are sisters, but at the end of the day, we can retreat to separate houses. We haven't always gotten along as famously as we do now. Moments like fighting over the bed in Disney World and the famous screaming match at the bridesmaids' lunch come to mind. But the best part of not living together is there is always time to regroup, forgive and forget. In the past couple of years, since the wedding, she and I have become close. We call each other on the way home from work and just chat. Yesterday, she called me to let me know they had come back from vacation tired, but safe and we ended up being on the phone for two hours. We could have talked longer, but her husband was getting hungry and we realized it was after 8pm! We chatted about my move and her vacation, our parents and grandparents, politics and college. The university where she works is hosting the final Presidential candidate debate. I feel blessed to not only have wonderful fake cousins, but real ones as well. I hope that as my younger cousins grow older, I will have the same sisterly relationship with them as well. Jenn posted at 11:29 PM | |
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Look at me standing Here on my own again Up straight in the sunshine No need to laugh and cry It's a wonderful, wonderful life No need to run and hide It's a wonderful, wonderful life "It's a Wonderful Life" by Lara Fabian Jenn posted at 4:07 PM | |
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I'm suprised that you've never been told before That you're lovely and you're perfect And that somebody wants you I'm surprised that you've never been told before That you're priceless yeah you're precious Even when you are not new "Fascinating New Thing" by Semisonic Jenn posted at 9:33 PM | |
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When I was a kid, we used to go to Camp Highroad to do the ropes course to bond as a group. I only went to music camp one time (and had a wretched time), but we always seem to have a retreat of one sort or another that would end up at the ropes course. I always loved working out the activities, whether it be trying to get everyone standing on the 2x2 square platform or passing people through the "spider's web." We'd find the natural leaders and sometimes even some people that you wouldn't think would be leaders. At the end of the four hours of teamwork, sweat, yelling and brute strength and determination would be the zip line. In order to participate, you would have to put on an uncomfortable harness around your butt and thighs (though I'm told it was much worse for the guys). There was a carabiner in the front that you would attach the safety line to as you walked across aircraft cable covered with a garden hose to the platform. Even if you told the ropes course instructor that you weren't going to go, you would still have to put the harness on "in case you change your mind." After the first few times, I got better at convincing the instructor that I wasn't going to change my mind and therefore didn't need to suit up. I relished having the all important job of catching the zippers after they finished the line. After completing the ride, the zipper would slide back toward the platform and then drop a rope from their shoulder. I would catch the rope and help them stop before bringing them to the ladder that would be set up to help get them down. After the carabiner was unhooked, the zipper would climb down the ladder and I would run the rope (with the zip harness attached) back to the platform. I would run so fast through the woods on a tiny worn path, narrowly avoiding underbrush and rocks so as not to fall and sprain something. As I got closer to the platform, my arm would be stretched above my head, trying to desperately to hang on long enough for the guide at the top to grab the harness. I was never brave enough to do the zip line, but I still wanted to be involved. Sometimes I feel like that's how my life has been. I'm not brave enough to do the things that I really want to do, but I do something related to it, so that I feel like I'm taking part. Some people would get out to the platform, but wouldn't be able to take that first step off and enjoy the ride. I never even got to the platform. Even with the safety line, I couldn't step out onto the approach. Hopefully, one day I'll be able to stop making the catch and for once, be the one who's being caught. Jenn posted at 11:55 AM | |
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Okay, I *so* hate this new little toolbar that Blogger/Google has decided to give us. I've been paying for ad-free Blogger, so I haven't had the ads that this supposedly replaces. But there's no way to disable it. So now I'm stuck with this ugly thing that doesn't go at all with my layout. ::sigh:: I guess there are worse things in the world and I've been looking at redoing my layout, but still... Jenn posted at 2:20 AM | |
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I should be used to this, but it seems like every time I watch the Olympics, the commentators get stupider. What I just heard while watching Women's Beaceh Volleyball: Both of these comments are about the athletes that are competing right now. Regardless of your opinion of beach volleyball as an Olympic sport, does anyone else find those comments to be incredibly sexist and stupid? Jenn posted at 3:20 PM | |
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Kilborn Calls It Quits at 'Late Late Show' Good riddance to bad rubbish is all I have to say. I don't know much about Hollywood gossip anymore, but somehow I have a feeling this wasn't completey Kilby's decision. Perhaps Letterman finally stayed up late enough to watch the show and saw what a craphole it is. I wish him years and years of unemployment. I hope that my friends from there find new, better jobs very quckly and the rest...well, I hope they have a boss that treats them the way they treated me. Jenn posted at 2:33 PM | |
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I went exploring for the first time by myself today. The sun was shining and the sky was blue even at my house, so I thought I'd take a chance. I headed out to catch the bus to the MUNI station and from there I'd head in the Castro. I had seen some great shops as I had driven on Market Street through there, so I thought I'd check it out. After waiting for 25 minutes and almost freezing to death (apparently just because the sun is shining doesn't make it warm), the bus came. I got off at the MUNI station and after a few false starts with my MUNI pass (I couldn't figure out which way it needed to go in the turnstile), I got on the elevator and headed down to the platform to wait for an inbound train. While I was waiting, I heard a woman approach another woman to ask about the M line train. She wanted to know where the Church station was in relation to where she would need to pick up the Judah line. I was half-reading my book, half-listening to their conversation because no one else was talking on the whole platform. Not knowing what or where they were talking about, I didn't pay much attention. As she concluded the conversation, I heard her say that she should get off at the Church Street station, instead of the Castro station as it was across from the Safeway. I decided to leave home without a map because I figured I knew where I was going and if I got lost at all, I could easily figure out where I was and what I would need to do in order to get back on track. I got off the L inbound at Castro station and followed the signs to Market street. I turned to my right as I hit the street and started walking down a crowded street with rainbow flags hanging from the lamp posts. After a block or so I realized, this was not Market street the way I remembered and I glanced up at the street sign for confirmation -- Castro Street. Not being familiar with the area and having no map, I wondered if Castro Street was parallel or perpendicular to Market. I decided to cross the street and head up a block to check things out. While waiting for the light to change, I looked to my left and saw MARKET STREET. Mentally congratulating myself on finding the street I wanted without much effort, I crossed the street and headed back toward MARKET street. From my apartment, if you continue up my street, you hit Portola. Go left and it becomes Junipero Serra which runs near State. Go right and it becomes Market street, winding down Twin Peaks and into the Castro. You know you've reached the Castro because there is a LARGE rainbow flag on a pole as you enter. I crossed Castro street and started to walk alongside Market street, happy to finally be on my way. I contemplated walking home after my adventure by going up Market street to Portola as a way to continue my workout. As I walked, I noticed the large rainbow flag and figured I must be getting close. I walked and I walked and I walked, noticing that it was more residential than I remembered and that I seemed to be going up hill. Then I noticed that I didn't see the tracks for the F line street cars that go down Market street in the Castro. About halfway up the hill, I stopped and surveyed my surroundings. As I looked back where I had come from, I came to a startling discovery: I WAS WALKING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! I was actually headed back toward my house instead of into the shopping district. If I had gone right when I had gotten to the corner of Castro and Market instead of left, I would have been shopping instead of halfway up Twin Peaks. Feeling frustrated and a bit embarrassed, I turned around and began walking down the hill, feeling my shoes beginning to rub my feet. Passing the large rainbow flag once I again, I crossed Castro street again and started to feel better. I was hungry and I knew that I wanted to stop in Jamba Juice because I hadn't had one in a while. I remembered seeing it in a shopping center that also had a Safeway. As I walked along the southside of Market street, I marveled at the tourists who seemed to be taking as many pictures of men holding hands as they did of the street cars and architecture. I smiled at store names like Nancy Boy, which promises that products are tested on boyfriends, not animals. I stopped in Books, Inc and concluded that when I actually have money to spend, I would be spending it there. I hope that's the location that Jennifer Weiner stops at on her tour. I stopped to talk with Amanda from Environmental California who inspires me to join their organization to protect California and San Francisco's coast and ocean. But I remain on my quest for my Jamba. I walk and I walk and I walk, enjoying the warm sun on my back and the men in every direction, though probably none of them are giving me a second look. Finally I see the large SAFEWAY marquee in the distance and I know that I am almost there. As I near the corner where I need to cross to get to the shopping center, I notice a set of stairs heading underground and a MUNI sign. Then I notice the street sign - CHURCH. That's right, had I stayed on MUNI one more stop and gotten off on the CHURCH street station, I could have avoided this whole catasrophe and ended up exactly where I wanted to be! I couldn't believe it! I sat outside the strip mall on a black metal chair, people watching and reading The Competitor, enjoying the sunshine. Finishing my beverage and feeling my sleep deprivation from staying up all night to watch the Wings marathon on NickAtNite catching up with me, I decided to bag on this trip and head for home. I headed back to the MUNI station and actually got a seat this time, now that I was heading outbound. I was the only person on the bus on the way back. It could have been worse, I realize, but I really felt like an idiot. I wasn't trying to do anything hard. Market street is one of the most recognized streets in San Francisco and I couldn't figure out where I needed to be. I've always known that my sense of direction was shot to hell, but this gives new meaning to the phrase, can't find her way out of a paper bag. Jenn posted at 12:26 AM | |
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I am such a nerd. I am SO excited for the Olympics! I get so geared up for these things. I've watched the Summer Games since 1984. I missed 1980 Games due to not being born until November. The first Games I really remember watching were the 1992 Games. I had a sticker that said "I Support The U.S." and I wrote underneath Olympic Gymnastics Team. I cheered for Kim Zmeskal, even though she didn't do as well as she was predicted to and I wanted to be just like Shannon Miller who won Silver in the All-Around. Even though school didn't start for another month, I was still on an Olympic gymnastics high when I got there. I wished I had taken gymnastics when I was younger (even though I was only 12), so I could go to the Olympics in 1996. Well, I wasn't competing, but I did get to go to the Olympics in 1996. Since the Games were being held in Atlanta, my choir director decided to have us take our annual tour to the Games. We performed at various venues in and around Atlanta and of course, we attended events. We didn't get to attend any gymnastics events (people were only allowed to buy 4 tickets at a time and we had 2 tour buses full of people), but I watched the Magnificent Seven win Team Gold on television in the basement of our host family. I'll never forget the feeling of watching our girls hit it, time after time. We were priviledged to watch Women's Field Hockey, Track & Field, Women's Volleyball and the Bronze Medal Men's Soccer game. It was an absolutely amazing experience and the second best tour I ever went on. The 2000 Olympics came at an interesting time for me. I had just transferred to GMU and I was battling depression, though I wasn't really aware of it. I watched the Games with a passion, despite the tape delay and time difference. As a result, I was tired a lot and not doing homework. I managed to scrape by at the end of the semester, but the damage had been done. It was also disappointing to watch the Gymnastics team fall and well, not hit their routines. This is the first time I'll be watching the Games by myself and I think I'm actually looking forward to it. I take these things very seriously :) Jenn posted at 2:01 AM | |
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I had such a strange dream during my nap. I was working at the White House, but Bartlett was President. Someone had taken a briefcase from Mrs. Landingham and the President and I were looking for it. We came upon a room with file cabinets just inside the door, blocking entrance into the room. President Bartlett thought the briefcase was in that room behind a door on the other side. They decided that I should crawl over the file cabinets and search behind the doors. I didn't want to because I was scared of what would be behind the door. They convinced me to go and they sent another staffer I didn't recognize with me. I got over the file cabinets and laid down. I opened the door carefully, but I couldn't look in. The other staffer looked in and didn't see the briefcase. We quickly left the room. The President gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead, saying he was very proud of me. I woke up very confused. I guess I shouldn't go to sleep while watching "The West Wing." Jenn posted at 2:23 AM | |
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I broke out of my self-imposed solitude and went to the mall today. I realized that going shopping with no money totally sucks. I probably should have known that. But it's been so long since I haven't had a job that I had forgotten that little fact. I left the mall to find Best Buy. I thought I had the directions, but alas I did not. While listening to the radio, I heard "Lightning Crashes" by Live. It reminded me of my fake cousins. Fake cousins? Allow me to explain. My parents were friends with a couple in college who lived in the same apartment complex. I called them Aunt Denise and Uncle Dave, though they are no relation to me. They have two kids, Tyler and Chase. As we grew up, it becamse a sorta inside joke that they were my "fake" cousins. It was a lot easier to explain to people than the fact that they were the kids of my parents' best friends from college. What started out as an innocent comment grew into something all of its own. Sorta like "Reverend Father Wes" :) And that was shout out to Tyler, who I know reads this from time to time. Back to the story. When we were kids (up through junior high), our two families would have a two week "cheap vacation." My mom and I would spend a week in Emporia with their family and then the next week, Aunt Denise and the kids would spend the week with us. Also, at some point during the summer, the two families would get a beach house in the Outer Banks for a week. It seemed like every summer, there was a new fad, collection or other obsession that would take over while we were together. One summer it was baseball cards -- which I stupidly threw away later. I had some pretty valuable cards -- rookies and the like. As we got older, our taste in music developed beyond Ray Stevens. I remember Tyler had just gotten the Live CD before we visited one year and we spent most nights drifting off to sleep to the sounds of Live in Tyler's CD player. Hearing that song tonight reminded me of those summers where making radio programs or having our own Olympics, complete with medals and medal ceremony was completely normal. There was always a trip to Washington when we were in Fairfax and a trip to Norfolk when we were in Emporia. The days were long and hot. The nights were filled with hunting for fireflies and whispering in the dark after our parents had turned out the lights. Because of circumstances beyond our control, we ended up spending most of high school apart. We lost the closeness that we had gained in our youth. The first few meetings were awkward and uncomfortable. But we've gotten over that with more frequent visits (pretty much every time I head to the east coast) and they are still so important to me. I love them like the brothers I never had. Jenn posted at 4:36 AM | |
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So, as I mentioned, the maintainence guy came to fix my drawer. He had to nail the new roller into the drawer. Then comes a knock at my door. Apparently, it's my neighbor from downstairs. He's telling me I can't make noise because someone's sleeping downstairs. Go ahead and look at the timestamp on this post. I'll wait. Yup, even though it's the middle of the day, I should be quiet because someone's taking a nap. No hello. No how ya doing. No welcome to the building. I explain that, first of all, it's maintainence making the noise, not me. He stands firm that I can't do that. I ask the maintainence guy how long. He says five minutes. I tell the guy that in five minutes it'll be over. He doesn't look happy, but he leaves anyway. The maintainence guy says, "That's noise?" I reply with a shrug that I didn't know I needed to be silent in the middle of the day. He finishes within about two minutes and the regular quiet returns to my humble abode. I wonder if he's the one that likes to watch those movies at night where things blow up with the surround sound turned so far up that it sounds like a thunderstorm's going on. Nah, couldn't be. Someone so concerned about quiet for naps in the middle of the day wouldn't want to disturb someone's Sunday night television viewing, right? Jenn posted at 2:13 PM | |
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I've been having the weirdest sleep schedule since my parents left. I keep trying to get back to normal, but so far it's not working. I end up sleeping during the day and staying up all night. I mean, all night. Like yesterday, I woke up at 5pm and am currently still awake. I feel ready to crash at any moment, but I know that will only continue to perpetuate the cycle. I really want to go to the mall to pick up some stuff and also to Best Buy to pick up some CDs and DVDs that have been on my list for a while. And of course, I need to hit the pool or the treadmill to start training for the marathon. The maintainence guy just showed up to see what's wrong with the drawer in my kitchen. He left to get the part and it's all I can do to keep from falling asleep on my new couch while watching Dawson's Creek. The weather outside is so not helping either. I opened the blinds this morning and it's all dreary and overcast. Doesn't seem to be foggy, just blah. I keep hoping that the sun will peak through and give me a second wind. It's really hard to get energized when there's no sun. I never really thought about that before. Maybe it's just the lack of regular sleep. Jenn posted at 2:00 PM | |
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I spent some time tonight updating my photo gallery. Let me know what you think! Jenn posted at 7:01 AM | |
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It's that time of the night where I have a crazy idea that I think I can do something that would totally be out of my reach. Tonight's Jenn Crazy idea is the Nike Marathon. If anything, I'd do the half-marathon, but really who am I kidding? I can't run. But I'd train. And get fit. So am I crazy? Jenn posted at 2:15 AM | |
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This is for all you girls, about twenty-five. In little apartments just tryin' to get by. Livin' on, on dreams and Spaghettios. Wonderin' where your life is gonna go. This one's for the girls, Who've ever had a broken heart; Who've wished upon a shootin' star: You're beautiful the way you are. This one's for the girls, "This One's for the Girls" by Martina McBride Jenn posted at 5:29 AM | |
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After our day riding the rails and getting to know the public transit system of San Francisco, we decided to make one more last ditch effort to visit Sacramento. I had decided to actually set my alarm for the first time since arriving in San Francisco to ensure that I would wake up in the AM. I was hoping to avoid the frustration of our last attempt. My alarm was set for 10am. I've had some strange dreams over the past few weeks and a hard time sleeping during those times, so as usual, I didn't really fall asleep until 4am. I knew it was going to be a short night. The phone rings at 9:30am. It takes a few seconds for me to realize that that noise is and my dad picks up the kitchen phone. I hear him and he hears me, so we both hung up. It was just a stupid telemarketer, so no big loss. I settle back down for my last 30 minutes of sleep. Twenty minutes later, the phone rings again. It's JC Penny's home delivery letting me know that my couch is going to be delivered on Friday. Which is great and I'm excited, but still...I wanted to sleeep! After that I just decided to get up. We made it to Sacramento relatively easily, stopping only once for lunch. We visited the State Capitol, which seems to be just as user-friendly at the US Capitol. Neither the Assembly or Senate were in session, but I did locate my reps in both houses and their offices. I didn't go inside (which my dad kept egging me on to do), because I didn't really have anything to say. We drove to "Old Sacramento" and the Historic Governor's mansion. We rounded out the trip with a stop at Sac State for me to pick up a T-shirt. We got the curtain rod hung in the bedroom, though I still have no curtains to put on it. My mom "sterilzed" the apartment to take pictures, so it looks more like a model home than someone actually living here. Once the couch comes in and the curtains are hung (once I buy them), I'll be taking my own pictures for posting. I know everyone's just dying to see :) Jenn posted at 11:05 PM | |
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We hung pictures today. Doesn't seem like all that much when you see it written down, but it really did take most of the day. Most of the pictures are hung and the curtain rod (for which we still have no curtains) in the living room is also hung. The living room is starting to feel homey now and I can't wait until the couch is delivered in the next couple of weeks. We are going to be taking pictures (finally!) tomorrow, so I'll post them when they are done. Yesterday, we visited Palo Alto and Stanford. It's really fun to visit colleges when you're not actually auditioning them (or for them). I got my Stanford gray sweatshirt and a long-sleeved T-shirt for my collection. We also visited the IKEA there, after A's recommendation that it's less crowded. I've been looking for a small (very small) bookshelf to stack my textbooks on, so they don't under strewn around the apartment, leaving me to be late to class because I can't find one of them (true story). They didn't have anything that would really work, so we walked out of there without buying anything. A first for me. Jenn posted at 1:38 AM | |